New Direction

Well, my life is just going through waaaaay too many transitions right now for me to focus on running. My workout routine at the gym is still pretty consistent, but moving, organizing, selling, giving away items, packing.... and planning to find a home, a car and a job, all from thousands of miles away. It's kind of overwhelming!

So, I'm considering either changing the name of this blog or starting a new one. Which means I'll either have to change the name of this one or come up with a name for a new one. Any suggestions are welcome.

Right now, there are about 7 different piles of clothes in my living room. Bags for people who want specific items, boxes full of "free giveaway" items, divided by gender. Piles of things that we want to keep, but won't be able to use in Hawaii, and piles of things we know we need to part with, but don't know how to do that (selling, charity, friends?)

The saddest part about this clothing situation is that I have 6 pairs of boots. They have to go. Probably to my sister because who else has feet this small? Let it be said that I am a boot FANATIC. I relish the weather cooling off simply so that I have an excuse to wear closed toed sexy boots that zip up over the calf of my skinny jeans. I don't even care if it's not "in style" one season. I love it.

The upside? I will, after all, get to wear my Chacos on a daily basis. I am even hoping that I can find a job that allows Chacos as part of their dress code.

The waves of anxiety, fear and excitement are shifting. There has been more excitement than anything else. However, the move is still bittersweet. There is still much I love about Chinle:

The fact that the people hold fast to their traditions and you can see them everywhere. From ceremonies, to the way they support their elders, to the arts and symbolic traditions they carry on, and even traditional housing, like the Hoghaan here which is behind our house:

I'll definitely miss the intensity of a desert sunset. I've never seen a picture do it justice, and this picture is no exception:

And, as much as I thought I'd hate it, I love the wide, open, undisturbed space. I almost feel forgotten about here in Chinle, and something about that feels safe...

That doesn't mean that I love everything about Chinle. There are things I'll be happy to get away from, like sandy dust storms:

We were really fortunate to make a great group of friends in Chinle. Of course, with most of their IHS contracts, we would all part ways sooner or later, but there is some sadness that we are parting sooner. I don't think that I have ever so instantly liked an entire group of people. I'm glad I racked up some memories quickly! Camping, Colorado, Lake Powell, hiking, parties... so much fun!

There are some things about Hawaii that I am particularly excited about, even though the reality of my move there has not materialized fully:

I'll be able to have a job! Shoot, I can probably even have two jobs! Not being gainfully employed really tested my self-worth this year, and while I found that I had many abilities to be productive and contribute with a variety of gifts, I realize how much I took "the daily grind" for granted. I'll feel pretty proud of myself for bringing in a paycheck again.

Surfing! My fiance is a huge surfer. Although he may not be able to teach me himself (it's simply a test of patience to try to teach the person you're the very closest with a new skill, and I'd rather learn from an instructor with whom I'll be on my best manners). But, once I pick up the skill, Isaac has promised me my own surf board. I'm excited to add this to our already long list of outdoor hobbies. There is nothing outdoors that we don't love to do together.

Fresh produce. As in, Maui has several organic farms on it! If I'm lucky, I may get a job working for one...that's my hope right now. I know farms can be somewhat closed-off community-wise. Depending on the structure (family run, co-op, etc) I may have a hard time getting my foot into that kind of door.

"The Purge" That's what I'm calling getting rid of 99% of my personal belongings and starting fresh. It's kind of a test of my materialism. Getting rid of everything really makes you realize that there is not much in the way of material things you really need to be healthy, happy, or functional. Most of these things are for our selfish comfort. Plus, I'm hoping that I'll be spending most of my time outdoors anyway. Who needs to stock a house with a bunch of stuff if we won't even be inside most of the time? Heck, we rarely spend any time indoors here in Chinle!

Well, more thoughts to come as all of this planning and organizing pans out. And I'm sure I'll have much to share about the shock of moving to a culture that thrives on tourism. My lifestyle is about to do a 180!

Always on the go

So, since birth, I have lived...

in Colorado

California

Arizona

Colorado again

Georgia (Wyoming and Florida during summer breaks)

Colorado (again!)

Oregon

Washington

Utah

Arizona (again)

And now Hawaii.

The most interesting part of all these journeys seems to start after Georgia. That's when all of these moves became both voluntary and necessary to take my life in a direction that was interesting to me.

Isaac has said I should write about it. I dunno... I need to work on some basic improvements with grammar, mechanics, and style first. Maybe. Probably not. But maybe...

Aloha

Well, boys and girls. I'm moving to Hawaii. In December, no less...so...soon!

Turns out, the island I'm moving to has tons of running events every month, including the Maui marathon which is one of the oldest running events on the islands!

I'm not going to lie, I'm interested.

Hopefully I can hold my own in year-round heat and humidity!

Aloha!

Don't Talk to Me About Mile Twenty Three

I am officially a marathon runner. I almost didn't do it. Not that I almost did not finish, but I almost did not show up. A series of times, I almost forewent the opportunity.

I won't touch down on the series of things this past week that almost made me too exhausted to quit.

My Dad

However, the day before the marathon, my parents had plans to fly into town, to meet Isaac's family and to cheer me on. Unfortunately, that did not happen. At about 2am on Saturday, my dad had a heart attack and was in the hospital. I wanted to go home immediately to see him. After they went in and fixed a few things, I was able to talk to him. I believe his exact words were, "No, no, you get your head on straight and run that marathon."

When a Marine, who also happens to be your father, tells you something like that and leaves no room for questioning, you don't question him. You do what he tells you.

So, that's what I did. Isaac and his mom got up with me at 4:30am, and we headed to Portland. I was nervous, but more than ever during the past 6 months of training, I really felt that this was something I had to do. To make myself proud, and I especially felt it was a good time to make my dad proud.

The Runners

The thing that impressed me the most about the overall marathon, was the incredible variety of people there that I did not expect to see. Mostly, I expected to see other young, wiry, strong-hearted runners...like myself. What I saw was the elites...those people who run 26.2 miles faster than I can sprint the 100, and who were competing with one another for the prize money that they hoped would be their salary. I saw people in their 80's! I saw old couples with silver hair, holding hands, smiling in excitement that finally, after all those years of marriage, they were going to get to share this great accomplishment. I saw people in wheelchairs, whose legs were hidden or missing and whose arms were totally ripped. I saw older ladies wearing swishy pants, in groups, with silly team names (like "The Walkie Talkies") giggling and gossiping, not just at the finish line, but during the entire race! I saw two men back from Iraq, in their full army cammo suits, with their full 40-lb packs, and their BOOTS, who were going to walk the marathon in honor of friends they lost at war. I saw crippled men and women...who had hunch back shoulders, severe scoliosis, arthritis that would slow almost anyone else on earth down, and legs that were so mis-shaped, I was (wrongly) surprised to see them at the starting line. But more than surprised, I found myself in deep admiration for these people, who all overcame self-doubt to do this great event! Most fully able-bodied people say they can't do it (they can), but everyone here lacked that doubt, and went straight for the marathon! How wonderful!

Family

Although my family couldn't be there, I felt a great sense of family comradery as everyone in Isaac's family (minus his sister who is in Ohio for school) was there to cheer me on. Popping up every 5 miles or so to give me regular updates about how my dad was doing, bring me little running snacks, and shout my name! The guys acted as videographers and photographers (so we can share with my parents later). Isaac's dad went about a mile with me. Isaac jumped in and ran with me a few times too, even though the only thing he had to wear was dress shoes and jeans. I may have been tired, or faded, but I definitely felt loved.

The Race

During the first half of the race, I felt strong and alive. I suppose that is to be expected. Isaac ran with me around the half-way point. He asked me if I would do it again. I said "yeah totally! I may even do it next year!"

By the time I got to mile 19 and Isaac's dad was on the course with me, he asked how I was feeling. "Everything hurts," I said, "Everything." Did he think I would do it again, "I don't know. Everything hurts."

Up the hill to the St.John's bridge, I got a second wind. I plowed right through the hill that was making others cry and moan. There were army soldiers and several ambulances standing by, just in case, because yeah...it was that kinda hill.

By mile 23, I kept almost reaching runner's Euphoria...a state of mind and body where the runner is almost daydreaming, unaware that their body is even moving forward, but doing so mechanically, and then voila! When they snap out of it, 5 miles have gone by and they can see the finish line!

Well, my runner's euphoria kept being interrupted just as it began. I'd start to slip into that blessed state, and then a big whiff of raw sewage would waft through the air and punch me in the face. You know that smell, the kind that instantly makes you more alert than you care to be.

By mile 23 (Curse you, Mile 23!), also, I was starting to have my mental collapse. I was getting emotional, my brain was telling my body that the pain was worse than it was. The mile began to felt like 2.... I just wanted mile 23 to be over. Where was mile 24 already!? I passed some guy, who looked crazy, who said "Don't worry, kiddo. You've got less than 2 miles to the finish line!"

Less than two miles? What did he mean less than two miles? Was he lying to me. I could do serious damage if he was lying to me. I caught up to another runner. "Is it true? Less than two?" "Yeah," she huffed. "Those teenage girls on the sidelines back there turned the 24 sign around so we couldn't read it. I gave them serious hell for it." "Oh, thanks...for the hell."

Eventually, the pain almost stopped me. I pushed through! When the finish banner came into sight, there was a hoard of crowd all around me. I'm sure they were all screaming and cheering (that's what I'm told). But I had only one thing in sight: the finish line. I was deaf to all the cheering. I saw nothing but my goal. My eyes teared up, I cried, and my legs became more spry and got me through! I had done it! I finished it!

The Day After

All I can really say about today is that, although I am proud, I am in serious pain. I may have conquered 26.2 miles of my favorite city by running on foot yesterday morning, but a 4-step staircase today is a nearly impossible feat that causes great pain and requires assistance. A walk across the living room to the bathroom takes several minutes. My muscles have been torn to shreds and need some time to rebuild themselves.

In the meantime, I'm a marathoner! I ran a marathon. And nobody can ever take that accomplishment away from me.

I love you mom and dad. I'm sorry you didn't get to make it, but I'm glad you were where you needed to be in order to be well again.

2.5 days

Tomorrow I fly to Oregon. Saturday, I introduce my parents to my future in-laws. Sunday, I run the Portland Marathon!

It has been a very stressful and sad week. It may have interrupted my "mental preparation," but there's nothing I can do about that now.

A weekend in Oregon, and 26.2 miles on my feet, and I will return to Arizona a marathon runner!

Can't say I'll take on the challenge again at this point, but I'm glad I made a season in my life to challenge myself to something truly difficult, both mentally and physically. (And let me just say, if you've never taken up long distance running, you may NOT tell me that it is not mentally challenging.)

I will post next week about the marathon and I'm sure I'll have some thoughts and feelings to share about it.

My Final Training Run and Wonderful Fiance

For the past few weeks, I have been having serious anxiety about the race. See post below for details.

My fiance, seeing my anxiety, has been having, on average, three pep talks a day to get me confident and pumped up. He's a good man, and he loves me. I love him.

Don't worry! Don't leave! I'm not about to get mushy and weird on you.

Today was my final long-ish run. 8-10 miles was required of my legs to be prepared for the big day. Which, by the way, is in just under 7 days. Oh boy.

Today I felt a big gaping hole where my confidence in myself should be. Isaac saw that missing piece and decided to patch it up.

Quick background: Isaac used to run sometimes with two friends of his. They were both half his size and twice as fast and efficient as him. He did it to get into shape. But he's not a "runner" per se, and he hates the activity. It's boring. Aside from the fact that he hasn't done any actual running in over a year, since the last time we went running together, he's an otherwise very physically fit person. He's recently been swimming at least a mile a day, and when he doesn't do that, he's lifting, working on his core, cycling, mountain biking, and being totally awesome.

So today, my non-runner fiance decided that I needed to get totally pumped up for the big day. He, (have I mentioned he's a non runner?) went on my 10 miler. The entire time we were running together, I felt like time just flew by.

We got to talk about how we want to raise our future children. What kinds of toys are allowed, no TV allowed, what sorts of movies they'll be allowed to watch, no video games with violence, etc. (In the end, we determined our kids will probably think we're really lame until they're about 20). In between wistfully discussing our future and our family, Isaac kept telling me how proud he was of me, how awesome I was doing, how great my form was, how good I looked running, how steady I kept my pace, how awesome I was, and how pumped he was that he'd be able to tell our future children that their mother once ran a marathon!

So, aside from being reminded one stride at a time how lucky I am to be marrying someone who is so uplifting, supportive, and loving, I'm feeling pretty pumped about my marathon. Even if I'm not thrilled with my time or my performance, even if I'm in pain, exhausted, or struggling on race day, when I cross that line, the man that I'm going to spend the rest of my life with (um, whoa) is going to be beaming with pride.

And I gotta say, that alone feels really good.

Marathoner's Worst Nightmare

Right now, for this marathoner, it seems that my worst nightmare is...the marathon.

I passed the stages of excitement, confidence, and pride. Now, I'm terrified. I did great training in Oregon...until my knee started acting like poop.

But, I am running for Girls on the Run! And it's too late for the organization to refund the donors' money, so I'm running it regardless, to honor the good intentions of the people who donated to my fund raising cause.

Come to find out, no matter how in shape you are in Oregon, when you get back to 6,000 feet in Arizona, you don't feel in shape. At all. I feel like I have to learn to breathe all over again! It's not as easy as it was on the farm.

Of course, as the date looms closer, I've been having one anxiety incident after another. I'm supposed to be tapering off my training, but feel like I should be working harder to stay caught up! What to do what to do...

Add this to a series of literal nightmares in my sleep, I'm so nervous. I'm not so much aiming to finish it at this point as to just get it over with. Here are my dreams:

1. I am running the marathon with just two girls. Who seem to mix marathon running with gymnastics and break dancing. They intimidate me. Where are all the other runners?! Am I ahead of the crowd or really far behind?


2. I forgot to get my registration packet, and don't realize it until I'm already running the race. I don't have my BIB. This is a great concern to me in my dream. How can I be running without my BIB?

3. I am always running around the 2-mile marker and not making any progress. I have 24.2 miles to go but can't get past the first two miles!

4. I lost or forgot the electronic chip to go on my shoe, and because my progress and speed cannot be tracked, the marathon people think I'm cheating and kick me out of the race.

So, I apologize for a negative post in which I'm completely FREAKING OUT, but if I can't be honest, what else can I be?

I'm hoping that as I get my mental thoughts more organized, I begin to feel excited about what I'm about to accomplish again. We shall see, we shall see! Think good running thoughts for me!

It's been a while!

The Portland Marathon is in just a few weeks, and I've only got those few weeks left to prepare.

I don't want to lie, as far as marathoners go, I'm not the most organized. I feel that I should have started training further out than I did. My longest prep run will be 20 miles, which is much less than I initially planned to do by now.

I've had a few injuries. Nothing major, but things I had to allow to get better before picking up training again. The most recent of which was some knee trouble that was my own fault. I went to Oregon, and took too much advantage of the altitude difference, and ran too often, too fast, with no cross training in between. One is fully recovered, the other is on its way.

I am still going to run that marathon! I am very excited. Mostly nervous. And very in-question of my initial reason to do it.

In other exciting news, I will be crossing the finish line as Natalie, Isaac Schaefer's fiancee! I'm engaged! So much has happened this year! This marathon started off as a shared goal between three girls (my future sisters in law!). Since then, it went down to two of us. Then Alicia became a momma to be! And then there was one...me. What a busy year! (Yes, if you can't tell, I'm still very elated to be engaged and am happy to share the news everywhere!)

Big Miles and Big News

Last Sunday I ran 20 miles. It's so far! My legs ached, but my muscles were not sore afterwards. I take that as a normal sign. Feeling great now. 23 miles this Sunday or next.

But I digress. I am now running this marathon solo. Madeline dropped out because of knee problems and school. Alicia was really into it, very excited to be doing the marathon. She happens to be a naturally gifted distance runner!

Turns out, she is also going to be a naturally gifted mother! Alicia and Stewart are expecting their first child in March.

The business of growing cells and making an extra cute baby is hard work! It's exhausting for her, and she is not always feeling well. Marathon training is not in the picture for her right now.

She hopes to try for the marathon again in the future, but will have to figure out how to make that happen in a year or two.

I could not possibly be upset that I am running alone because this joyous news is so wonderful and exciting, it over shadows everything else.

Congratulations Alica and Stewart!

Run Oregon

I love Oregon. I love everything about it. I like the way that it smells of fresh dirt, hundreds of trees, flowers, moss, and mold.

I love that it gives me a feeling. You know how when you read a wonderful fiction novel, or watch a fun fiction movie, and you feel this sense of "magic," wishing that a certain place or thing you're momentarily wrapped up in really existed? Well, Oregon is like that...only it really exists! Every day that I'm here, I feel like I'm right in the middle of some magical (YES, I like to use that word, no, I'm not referring to wizards and fairies), place that seems too wonderful to exist, but does so anyway.

So, imagine my delight to tread the Oregon earth, and take in all the sights, sounds, smells and feelings on my runs! It is delightful.

Running in the desert was getting way too hard for me. Early morning runs were still beautiful, but the desert is intense; and as much as I wish I was an intense person, I'm not. Spicy hot food? Yes! Spicy hot climate? Not on a regular basis.

I'll be running here for a month, and hopefully catching up! I got far behind. I still believe in myself; I still believe in the cause I'm running for, and I still believe in running! And now, I believe that running in Oregon will be a month-long gift to myself. Thank you, self.

Today I ran approximately 7 miles, running up and down each row of the Filbert orchard. Lots of organic soil under my feet, huge, moss-covered Filbert trees in every direction, and sun peeping through the leaves and the corridors created by them. Lots of shade, lots of earthiness. It was nice. It felt almost like being inside the hallways of a very sacred building. Only here, the ceiling was made of leaves, barrel-vaulted by branches, held up by columns that are carved in natural shapes, covered in a mural of green; and the floor is slightly untidy...covered in dirt, and fallen nuts. Very sacred indeed.

I can't wait to experience even more of the Oregon surroundings on my runs. Running in this environment may be so enjoyable in and of itself, that I'll rack up miles without even noticing!

P.S. This place is crawling with peacocks! They're everywhere. I like to play a game with myself where I see how many feathers I can spot when I'm walking or running about. I'm still getting used to their call though...it sounds so much like some kind of cat from outer space, that I just about crawl out of my skin every time I hear it! I suppose it helps to keep the runs interesting!